Chapter 19
Agatha met Elliot when he was ten.
Her request had nothing to do with it.
She had made none.
After the letter, she remained silent.
Four years of silence.
No birthday gifts.
No calls through relatives.
No messages disguised as updates from attorneys.
Elliot asked.
Conrad said no.
Immediately.
Hannah looked at him.
Elliot did too.
“You said my choice.”
“When you were older.”
“I’m older.”
“You’re ten.”
“That is older than seven.”
Conrad hated arithmetic when used correctly.
The meeting took place in Hannah’s office.
Thirty minutes.
Conrad in the next room.
Agatha could answer questions.
She could not ask Elliot for forgiveness.
Could not ask for another meeting.
Could not discuss Conrad’s family decisions.
Could not bring gifts.
Agatha agreed to everything.
She entered looking smaller than Elliot remembered.
That surprised him.
Children often remembered frightening adults at the size fear gave them.
Reality was less impressive.
Agatha sat.
“Hello, Elliot.”
“Hi.”
Silence.
Then Elliot asked:
“Why chain?”
Agatha had written the answer.
Apparently writing and hearing were different.
“I wanted you to stay in one place while I recovered the envelope and kept your father away long enough for Julian to control the situation.”
“Why not tell me stay?”
“I did.”
“I didn’t.”
“No.”
“So chain.”
“Yes.”
Elliot frowned.
“That big jump.”
Agatha looked down.
“Yes.”
“Did you know heart?”
“Yes.”
“Did you know hot?”
“Yes.”
“Did you know thirsty?”
“Yes.”
His face hardened.
“Then why?”
Agatha answered carefully.
“Because I kept reducing the danger in my own mind.”
“What means?”
“I told myself it would only be a few minutes.”
Elliot listened.
“I told myself your father was close.”
Another pause.
“I told myself the monitor would warn us before anything serious happened.”
Elliot looked at her.
“It did.”
“Yes.”
“You still didn’t stop.”
“No.”
That was the point.
Agatha had treated warning systems as permission to approach danger instead of reasons to avoid creating it.
Elliot asked:
“Did you love me?”
Agatha’s eyes filled.
“Yes.”
He looked irritated.
“Then love not enough.”
“No.”
The answer came immediately.
Good.
Elliot continued.
“Do you love Julian?”
“Yes.”
“Too much?”
Agatha thought.
“No.”
That surprised him.
“What?”
“I loved him in a way that made me believe protecting him justified decisions it did not justify.”
“So bad love.”
“Bad choices inside love.”
Elliot looked toward Hannah.
She said nothing.
He turned back.
“Do you want see me again?”
Agatha’s face changed.
“Yes.”
“Can’t ask.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
The meeting ended after twenty-six minutes.
Elliot stood.
Agatha remained seated.
No hug.
No touch.
At the door, Elliot stopped.
“I don’t forgive chain.”
Agatha nodded.
“I understand.”
“I believe sorry.”
Another nod.
“Different.”
“Yes.”
Outside, Conrad asked:
“How are you?”
Elliot looked at him.
“Hungry.”
Conrad almost laughed.
“Anything else?”
“Yes.”
“What?”
“You said no first.”
Conrad became quiet.
Elliot continued.
“You can be scared.”
Then:
“But still my choice some.”
Conrad nodded.
“Yes.”
May you like
That lesson hurt more coming from his son.
Which was probably why he remembered it.
