Chapter 23 - What I should have seen
Therapy annoyed me because therapists sometimes ask questions with obvious answers and then wait until the obvious answer changes.
Mine was Dr. Alice Monroe.
She asked:
“When did you first know Rachel was hiding financial trouble?”
“I didn’t.”
She waited.
I sighed.
“Maybe six months before.”
“What happened?”
Rachel asked me to pay her property-tax installment.
I said:
“What happened to escrow?”
She said:
“Refinance issue.”
That did not make sense.
I knew.
I sent the money anyway.
Why?
“She was embarrassed.”
Dr. Monroe:
“So?”
“So I didn’t want to interrogate.”
“You use interrogate as the opposite of ignore.”
Annoying.
There had been middle options.
“Rachel, this number doesn’t make sense. I love you. Show me the statement.”
Could she refuse?
Yes.
Then I could refuse money.
Clear.
Instead I sometimes gave small amounts to avoid discomfort, then became strict only when requests got larger.
That inconsistency taught Rachel:
Small needs get love.
Large needs get audit.
She began splitting or disguising needs.
Again:
Not my fault she took money.
Not my fault she sent a false support letter.
Context.
Systems.
May you like
Family patterns.
If I wanted a different future, I needed to correct my part without absorbing hers.
