Chapter 23
Audrey returned to weekly therapy at sixteen.
Her choice.
That surprised Cassandro.
He had assumed needing less therapy meant healing.
Rachel corrected him.
“Sometimes needing help again means she knows where to get it.”
He disliked therapists who improved language.
Audrey had been having panic episodes around indoor pools.
Not the estate pool.
That one had become manageable years earlier.
Hotel pools.
School facilities.
The smell of chlorine inside enclosed rooms.
Different trigger.
Same body.
She felt embarrassed.
“I swim.”
“Yes,” Rachel said.
“I went camp.”
“Yes.”
“I met Vivienne.”
“Yes.”
“Then why now?”
Rachel looked at her.
“Because recovery is not a promotion system.”
Audrey frowned.
“What?”
“You do not pass one level and become permanently unable to struggle with an earlier one.”
That was irritating.
Also helpful.
Audrey resumed sessions.
Cassandro wanted updates.
Rachel refused most.
Audrey was sixteen.
He received safety information.
Not every detail.
That was difficult.
Natalie received the same limits.
That was reassuring.
Then Audrey asked to join her school’s lifeguard-certification course.
Cassandro thought she was joking.
“No.”
Audrey looked at him.
Again.
He corrected:
“Why?”
“Because I want summer job.”
“There are other jobs.”
“I want this one.”
Natalie did not automatically support her.
Good.
She asked:
“Do you want lifeguarding or do you want to prove something?”
Audrey became angry.
“Both maybe.”
That answer was honest enough to continue.
Rachel agreed.
Motives could be mixed.
The course included water rescue.
Deep water.
Submersion drills.
Audrey could stop at any time.
She began.
First week good.
Second week terrible.
During a simulated rescue, another student grabbed her shoulders unexpectedly.
Audrey panicked.
Hit him.
Scrambled out.
Cried in the locker room.
Then called Cassandro.
“I can’t.”
He almost said:
Then stop.
Instead:
“Do you want to?”
“I don’t know.”
“Okay.”
Wrong answer apparently.
“What does okay mean?”
“It means you don’t have to decide while you’re crying.”
She became quiet.
That worked.
The next day she returned.
Not to continue the drill.
To speak with the instructor.
New rule.
No unannounced contact during practice.
Commands before touch whenever possible.
Not special treatment.
Good training.
The instructor agreed.
Three weeks later Audrey completed the course.
She worked that summer at a community pool.
Cassandro visited once.
She made him leave.
“You’re making everyone weird.”
“I am sitting.”
“You are Cassandro Moretti sitting.”
Apparently different.
He left.
Natalie visited later.
Audrey made her leave too.
Fair.
At the end of summer, Audrey said:
“I hate lifeguarding.”
Cassandro stared.
“After all that?”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Children don’t listen.”
He laughed.
She did not return the next summer.
Nobody called the course symbolic.
May you like
That was another kind of progress.
She could do something once and still decide she disliked it.
