Chapter 3 - What “fixing it” meant in my family
Arthur had been violent before.
Not toward a child.
That was new.
But violence itself?
No.
I knew that.
The shame was not discovering who my brother was.
The shame was realizing how many times I had helped call what he did something else.
At seventeen, he punched a hole through my bedroom door because I locked him out during an argument.
Victoria said:
“Both of you need to stop antagonizing each other.”
At nineteen, Arthur got into a fight outside a college bar.
One student needed stitches.
My father called it:
“two drunk boys being stupid.”
The other family threatened a civil claim.
Charles paid the medical bill and Arthur’s lawyer.
No criminal conviction resulted.
At twenty-three, Arthur shoved a roommate during an argument over rent.
The roommate moved out.
My parents covered the remaining lease so the conflict would end.
At twenty-seven, Arthur threw a wineglass against a wall at Thanksgiving after my aunt criticized his job.
No one was hit.
Victoria replaced the glass before dessert.
At twenty-nine, his girlfriend Emma showed up at my apartment crying.
She had a bruise on her wrist.
Arthur had grabbed her during an argument.
I asked:
“Did he hit you?”
“No.”
“Do you want police?”
She said no.
I called my mother.
That was my mistake.
Victoria arrived within forty minutes.
She took Emma home with her.
Made tea.
Called Arthur.
Called a lawyer.
Called Emma’s landlord the next morning.
Within two weeks, Emma had moved into another apartment.
My parents paid her security deposit and three months of rent.
At the time I thought:
They’re helping her leave.
That was partly true.
What I did not ask was why helping Emma required everyone to stop discussing Arthur.
Emma ended the relationship.
Arthur attended six anger-management sessions privately.
Family peace returned.
No one said:
Violence.
We said:
Bad breakup.
At thirty-three, Arthur shoved a restaurant valet after a dispute over his car.
The valet fell against another vehicle and cut his elbow.
Charles paid the repair bill.
Arthur apologized in writing.
No charges after the valet told police he did not want to pursue the matter.
Again:
Handled.
That word had been the anesthetic of my childhood.
Handled meant:
The injured person received money if money was appropriate.
Arthur received a lecture.
Sometimes therapy.
Sometimes a lawyer.
The event stopped making noise.
May you like
Handled did not mean:
Arthur changed.
