Chapter 19
Ethan met Lucinda when he was eleven.
Neutral office.
Therapist present.
Silvio in the next room.
No Mia.
That mattered.
Mia’s future relationship with Lucinda would not be decided through Ethan’s.
Lucinda entered first.
Ethan came second.
She stood.
Then immediately sat again.
“Hi.”
Ethan looked at her.
Older.
Thinner.
No family jewelry.
No authority.
Just his aunt.
Maybe.
“Hi.”
He sat across from her.
Silence lasted long enough to become uncomfortable.
Then Ethan asked:
“Did you think I was bad?”
Lucinda’s face changed.
“No.”
“You said I was punished.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because I needed you to stay in the car.”
“That not punishment.”
“No.”
She looked down.
“I used punishment language because I thought it would make you stop asking to leave.”
Ethan frowned.
“You lied so I stay.”
“Yes.”
“Did you think I’d listen?”
“Yes.”
“Because aunt?”
Lucinda closed her eyes.
“Yes.”
There it was.
The same family authority that had stopped employees questioning her.
It had been used against Ethan too.
He asked:
“Did you love me?”
Lucinda began crying.
“Yes.”
Ethan looked irritated.
“Then why car?”
She wiped her face.
“Because I convinced myself frightening you for a few minutes would keep you safer for years.”
Ethan stared.
“That’s stupid.”
“Yes.”
“I was scared more after.”
“I know.”
“You made thing you scared about.”
Lucinda looked at him.
Exactly.
“Yes.”
Then Ethan asked:
“Do you still think Dad should quit?”
Silvio heard through the adjoining audio connection.
Lucinda thought carefully.
“I think your father needed to change how much his work entered your home.”
Ethan waited.
“That’s not quit.”
“No.”
“Before you wanted choose.”
“Yes.”
“Them or this.”
Lucinda nodded.
“Yes.”
“Now?”
“I think I made the choice too simple.”
That mattered.
Silvio listened.
Lucinda continued.
“Some responsibilities cannot disappear in one day without affecting other people.”
Another pause.
“But some things should have changed sooner.”
Ethan looked toward the wall separating him from his father.
“Dad says that too.”
Lucinda cried harder.
Ethan did not comfort her.
Not his job.
At thirty-one minutes he asked:
“Can I go?”
The therapist nodded.
“Yes.”
Lucinda stayed seated.
No hug requested.
Outside, Ethan walked past Silvio toward the elevator.
Silvio followed.
In the car:
“Do you forgive her?”
Wrong question.
He knew immediately.
Ethan looked at him.
“Why everyone ask that?”
Fair.
Silvio corrected.
“How do you feel?”
“Mad.”
A pause.
“Less confused.”
Better question.
Better answer.
Three months later Ethan asked for another meeting.
Then none for eight months.
Nobody turned contact into a schedule.
Lucinda had once tried to create a plan for Ethan’s life without his agreement.
May you like
Any future relationship with her would grow differently.
Only where Ethan put it.
