Chapter 22 - The first night
Nora’s first overnight at my house happened four months after paternity confirmation.
Not in the kitchen-adjacent room.
Never.
I had converted my home office into a bedroom.
Yellow walls.
Bookshelf.
Night-light.
Nothing elaborate.
Nora entered carrying Leah’s old blue backpack.
The same one from the service room.
She wanted it.
I asked Paige whether we should replace it.
Paige said:
“Ask Nora.”
Right.
Nora said:
“No.”
So it stayed.
At bedtime, she looked toward the hallway.
“Door open.”
“Yes.”
“Light on.”
“Yes.”
“Can Ethan sleep here?”
“No.”
Ethan shouted from his room:
“I CAN HEAR YOU.”
Nora laughed.
Then her face changed.
“Is Mom coming?”
Leah.
“No.”
“Because dead.”
“Yes.”
She looked down.
“Did Mom lie?”
About me.
Hard.
“She didn’t tell me something she should have.”
“Like Claire?”
My body tightened.
“Different.”
“Did Claire lie?”
“Yes.”
“Did Mom?”
“Yes.”
There.
No sainthood.
No character assassination.
Nora started crying.
“I still love Mommy.”
“Of course.”
“Even if lie?”
“Yes.”
“Do you love Claire?”
Children.
“I care about Claire and she is Ethan’s mom.”
“That’s not answer.”
I smiled sadly.
“Yes. Part of me still loves her.”
Nora thought.
“People weird.”
“Correct.”
Then:
“Goodnight, Ryan.”
Not Dad.
“Goodnight.”
At 2:13 a.m., she appeared beside my bed.
“Ryan.”
I sat up.
“What?”
“Can I stay?”
My first instinct:
Yes forever.
Then:
“For a little while.”
She climbed in.
No symbolism.
A scared five-year-old.
May you like
By morning she had kicked me in the ribs twice.
Fatherhood arrived through bruises too.
